For the Love of Bonds – Chemical Edition

Dear Fluorince,

     I know I haven’t been able to speak with you lately. I’ve been so busy, as usual. I know you’re probably wondering, “who is it this time, Oxygea?”, and you’ll never guess. I am still ionically attracted to Ron. I know, who would’ve thought I’d still have Iron in my ion bubble? AND I’ve also found myself attracted to Roger.

     I met Roger at the Gallium Gala last week and from the moment we first laid electrons on each other, I could see the headlines reading “Oxygen and Hydrogen Finally Polar”. We’d be the perfect dipole couple with no risk of canceling each other out! I knew it would be a covalent bond to remember. I had such a strong influence on him and he on me that we were bent at first sight! Even my protons are excited.

     But all of this just feels so wrong, and yet so right. What I am doing to Ron is wrong! He would be nucleus-broken if he found out. I mean, Ron is strong but Roger is just so much more stable. Ron has been irritating me lately… we appear to be heading into a rusty relationship. My neutrons just aren’t in it anymore. I just know I’ll be much happier with Roger. I’m not sure how I can go about this exchange, they can’t find out about each other! If they confront one another it would be violently disastrous! I can’t even fathom the charges.

     I’ve tried listening to the song “Isn’t it Ionic” by Aluminous Morrisette, but it isn’t helping me figure any of this out. Fluorince, I desperately need your advice again!

Electrically awaiting your reply,

Are you still caught up in a love
triangle with Nitrogen and Helium?
What were their names?
Let me know how that’s working out!

Well that was fun! It’s amazing what you remember from chemistry class, years later. These bonds of attraction, if you will, are so similar to the way we find and fall in love. Ionic bonds are the “opposites attract” sort of love and the covalent bonds are the “love at first sight” sort. It’s interesting, the relationship must be made that our emotions and attractions to one another as human beings are no different than what our subatomic building blocks have been doing all along. Thusly, we are created, truly.


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